Ten Excuses for Missing Work

We’ve all been there. It’s a beautiful day, and you can’t bear the thought of going into work. So you call in with some excuse about feeling ill, but you know in your bones that your boss doesn’t buy it.

The feeling ill excuse is a short-term solution that won’t win you any fans at the office — someone else will have to pick up the slack, or you’ll miss deadlines. And it won’t help your career any. Here are 10 excuses — five smart and five not-so-smart — to help you save face and your sanity.

Smart Excuses

  1. I’ve Earned It: No one can argue with performance. Come in two or three hours early — or stay late — for a week or two. Then negotiate a day off in advance. “Really work when you’re there, so you’ll be able to feel good about taking time off,” says Andrea Nierenberg, president of The Nierenberg Group, a management consulting and personal marketing practice.
  2. I’m Playing Golf with a Client: For this one to work, you’ve got to have a job that requires you to meet and court current and prospective clients. Neil Simpkins, an account executive at Oxford Communications, has used this one successfully. One note of caution: Meet the client; don’t just say you did.

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Woman drives at officers, then into pond

Officer says she wore wedding dress, bit man

(by Ethan Wilensky-Lanford)

November 08. 2007

A Gilford, New Hampshire woman in a wedding dress tried to run down two state Department of Fish and Game officers, and, failing, drove into Saltmarsh Pond yesterday, according to authorities.

She then refused help as her SUV sank, yelled for the officers to shoot her, and bit the arm of the man who finally pulled her to safety, a fish and game officer said.

Toni Neville, 42, has been charged with felony reckless conduct, two counts of simple assault, driving after suspension, and transporting a controlled drug.

Two conservation officers, Michael Eastman and Glenn Lucas, drove to the swimming area at Saltmarsh Pond for lunch, shortly after noon. He pulled his vehicle up next to hers, stepped out and asked if she was okay. She seemed distraught, he said, and she was wearing a sleeveless, white wedding dress over her clothes. Upon closer inspection, he saw marijuana in her truck, and pills, he said.

Eastman asked her to step out of the truck. Instead, she shifted gears and drove off, causing the door to shut on Eastman’s arm. he said. He pulled his arm free, got back into his vehicle and, expecting that Neville would flee the scene, turned around to give chase.

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Dell Dude Now Tequila Dude at Tortilla Flats


Next time you’re at Tortilla Flats and you find yourself wondering aloud to your dinner companion, “What ever happened to the guy who did the ‘Dude, you’re getting a Dell’ commercials?” don’t be surprised when Ben Curtis, the man himself, approaches your table and explains the tequila list. While guest-starring on Law & Order and acting in films like the upcoming Proud Iva, Curtis has been a waiter and bartender at the Tex-Mex spot for the past year and a half, and though he dressed up as the Dell Dude for the Halloween party, he’s not about to repeat the slogan for you. He might, however, give you a free shot. “All you have to do,” he says, “is come and have a good time.”

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Cop Reprimanded for Self-Tasering

(by Steven Elbow )



You’d think the offense would be punishment enough.

A Madison police officer was issued a letter of reprimand this month for zapping the officer’s own hand with a Taser, inadvertently sending a massive jolt of electricity through the officer’s body, police disclosed today.

The incident happened on July 31 when the officer, whose name and gender were not disclosed, discharged the non-lethal weapon during a checkout procedure. According to a summary of the investigation issued by Lt. Kristen Roman of the Professional Standards and Internal Affairs office, officers are required to make sure that no air cartridge is loaded before testing the Taser gun, which is done at the start of each shift.

The air cartridge is what forces prongs out from the Taser. When the prongs strike a target, electricity surges through them along attached wires.

The officer’s hand was injured in the incident, police spokesman Joel DeSpain said today.

The Madison Police Department regularly releases reports when officers are reprimanded, but to protect the privacy and reputations of the officers involved, often leaves the officers unnamed.

According to the summary, which was dated Nov. 1, the failure to ensure that the air cartridge was not loaded was a violation of Madison Police Department policy regarding the check-out procedure and constituted a disregard for safety.

Bizarre bank break-in ends in a real mess

Suspect was bored, on drugs, he says

A 16-year-old Wyandotte boy said he wasn’t trying to steal any money when he broke into a bank early Sunday morning, smashed an ATM and wreaked several thousand dollars worth of damage.

But he did make a deposit.

The boy was arrested around 3:40 a.m. Sunday inside the Monroe Bank & Trust, 467 Euclid in Wyandotte. Responding officers found a disturbing scene.

Police said the boy, who already had a pending juvenile court charge of being a minor in possession of alcohol, used a hammer and screwdriver to chisel a cement block from under the ATM machine outside the bank. Then he used a chunk of the concrete to destroy the facing of the ATM. Police said he did not get any money.

The youth also smashed open the rear door of the bank, tried to break into two night security boxes and then made his way to the bank’s second floor, according to a police report filed in juvenile court. There he took off most of his clothing, sat on the railing over the lobby and defecated on the floor below, the report said.

In custody, the boy told officers he was bored and had taken four Xanax pills beforehand. He also tested positive for marijuana when he was admitted to the Wayne County Juvenile Detention Facility.

The youth is being held on $7,500 bond pending a Dec. 6 pretrial hearing in Wayne County juvenile court.

The Man Rules (We have serious doubts)


The Man Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys’ side of the story. ( I must admit, it’s pretty good.)
We always hear ” the rules ” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered “1. ” ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down.

You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something.
Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself…
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