Pierced Eyeglasses

Pierced eyeglasses!

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Pirate Laws

  1. A pirate does not ask for directions. He relies only on his gut feeling, a compass, or a treasure map.

  2. Parrots are the preferred pirate companion. Monkeys are an acceptable substitute, unless they fling their feces at people. Then they are an awesome substitute.

  3. When fishing, a pirate uses either a sword, a knife, or his bare hands. Use of a hook is only acceptable in the event the pirate is missing a hand.

  4. Pirates shall always wear boots, except in the case of a peg leg. Then one boot is acceptable. Flip-flops are right out.

  5. Pirates do not cry, except in the case of the loss of a shipload of rum.
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A Letter of Thanks

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Dell Dude Now Tequila Dude at Tortilla Flats

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Next time you’re at Tortilla Flats and you find yourself wondering aloud to your dinner companion, “What ever happened to the guy who did the ‘Dude, you’re getting a Dell’ commercials?” don’t be surprised when Ben Curtis, the man himself, approaches your table and explains the tequila list. While guest-starring on Law & Order and acting in films like the upcoming Proud Iva, Curtis has been a waiter and bartender at the Tex-Mex spot for the past year and a half, and though he dressed up as the Dell Dude for the Halloween party, he’s not about to repeat the slogan for you. He might, however, give you a free shot. “All you have to do,” he says, “is come and have a good time.”

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Appliance Warnings

Unknown Air Conditioner
Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.

Unknown Vacuum Cleaner
Do not use to pick up gasoline or flammable liquids 2. Do not use to pick up anything that is currently burning.

Unknown Japanese Food Processor
Not to be used for anything else.

Rowenta Iron
Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.

Unknown Blow Dryer
Warning: Do not use while sleeping.
White-Westinghouse 1600 Blow Dryer
Keep away from water.

Unknown Air Conditioner
Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.

Life saving device
This is NOT a life saving device!!!

Governmentium

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element has been named Governmentium.  Governmentium (Gv) has one
neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy
neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be
detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact.
A minute amount of Governmentium can cause an action that would normally
take less than a second to take over four days to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years.  It does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.  In fact, Governmentium’s mass
will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.  When
catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium…an element that
radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many
peons but twice as many morons.

Creativity Quotes at Work

hose who have changed the universe have never done it by changing officials, but always by inspiring the people.
Imagination rules the world.
— Napoleon

Beginnings

It all begins when the soul would have its way with you.
—Emerson

Begin at the beginning… and go on till you come to the end: then stop.
— Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll 1832-1898

You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
Friedrich Nietzsche

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step
— Lao-tsu c. 604-c.531 BC

Look with favour upon a bold beginning
— Virgil 70-90 BC, Georgics I.L.30

The first beginnings of things cannot be distinguished by the eye.
— Lucretius 99-55 BC On the nature of things.

Individuality of expression is the beginning and end of all art.
— Johannes Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832) Proverbs in Prose

When the first baby laughed for the first time,the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they went skipping about and that was the beginning of fairies.
— Sir James Mathiew Barrie ( 1860-1937) Peter Pan, Act1.

The births of all things are weak and tender and therefore we should have our eyes intent on beginnings.
— Michel E. Montaigne (1533-1582), Of Managing the Will, Essays

The great majority of men are bundles of beginnings.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1802-1882) Journals

It is better to begin in the evening than not at all.
— English proverb

We will either find a way, or make one
— Hannibal

It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.
Howard Ruff

It is necessary; therefore, it is possible.
— Guiseppe Borghese

In creating, the only hard thing’s to begin; A grass-blade’s no easier to make than an oak.
— James Russell Lowell

If not you, who? If not now, when?
The Talmud

Thoughts give birth to a creative force that is neither elemental nor sidereal. Thoughts create a new heaven, a new firmament, a new source of energy, from which new arts flow. When a man undertakes to create something, he establishes a new heaven.
— Philipus A Paracelsus

“Don´t ask what the world needs.
Rather ask – what makes you come alive?
Then go and do it!
Because what the world needs is people
who have come alive”
— Howard Thurman

True creativity often starts where language ends.
Arthur Koestler (1905 – 1983) Hungarian-English novelist, essayist
The Act of Creation, 1964.

Daydreams are fertile ground for the imagination. While daydreaming rational thought goes out the window, so new perspectives can find their way in.
Linda Naiman (Dynamic Graphics Magazine Dec/Jan 03)

“Throwing away ideas too soon is like opening a package of flower seeds and then throwing them away because they’re not pretty.”
— Arthur VanGundy, Ph.D. (Idea Power, 1992)

If you want to build a boat, do not instruct the men to saw wood, stitch the sails, prepare the tools and organize the work, but make them long for setting sail and travel to distant lands.
— Antoine De Saint-Exupéry

What someone is, begins to be revealed when his talent abates, when he stops showing us what he can do.
— Friedrich Nietzsche
I am an American, Chicago born – Chicago, that somber city – and go at things as I have taught myself, free-style, and will make the record in my own way: first to knock, first admitted; sometimes an innocent knock, sometimes a not so innocent. But a man’s character is his fate, says Heraclitus, and in the end there isn’t any way to disguise the nature of the knocks by acoustical work on the door or gloving the knuckles.
Saul Bellow (First lines of The Adventures of Augie March)
The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn.
—Ralph Waldo Emerson