One Liner Stories Says it All

Compulsively Compulsed

I manifested OCD by playing the same three notes over and over for a straight hour, six days a week, for months on end… but no one understood.


I realized how mundane my job was when I received an email from my brother in Iraq stating, “A mortar hit two trailers down, but thank God it didn’t detonate.”

No Secret

Our father’s favourite game of deserting us in public places strengthened our sibling bond.


Gas the cat was rescued from the pound as a kitten along with his brother Chambers.

Regretful Lack of Attention

My best friend hung himself on a Friday afternoon, and when I checked my cell phone the morning of his funeral I realized he had called me that day at 3:24PM.

 Can’t Get Over Him

It’s been over a year and sometimes I still read his love letters like it’s the first time I’ve ever read them.


As an adoptee, few things piss me off more than other adoptees who think that finding their birth parents will fix everything that’s wrong in their lives.

Feels Like Rain

“Happy new year,” I said to the empty room.


Puking up that champagne was really my head ridding my life of 2007.


My wife died eight days before her 35th birthday which would have been ten days ago.


Seeing a 40 year old crack whore wearing a shirt saying “You can’t afford me” and knowing she’s probably right made me realize I’d hit rock bottom.

Theoretical Theory

Because I have an aversion to admitting weakness, I don’t have the money to pay for next semester and my parents think it’s already paid.

Lily of the Valley

He wouldn’t let me kill myself the night he told me he didn’t love me, but he never called after that to see if I was still alive.


When I thought of how much my friend has done for his girlfriend, I realized how ugly Helen of Troy must have been that there was only a war because of her.


When my Catholic grandmother watches America’s Funniest Home Videos she laughs hardest when a man is hit in the groin and that makes me laugh harder.
















Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s