More newspaper headline bloopers

A man shot, stabbed; death by natural causes ruled.

After 24-48 hours of filtration, the pool becomes so clear that when the water is calm you can read ‘head’ or ‘tails’ on a dime lying 8 feet below the surface.

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft.

At the tea party, Mrs. Smyth and Mrs. Jarvis poured at both ends.

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures.

Crack Found on Governors Daughter.

Death In The Ring: Most boxers are not the same afterward.

Eaton’s ad for brassieres: “In the event these best sellers are gone, we’ll provide a rain check.”

Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide.

Fire officials grilled over kerosene heaters.

For Sale: Registered Jersey cow, giving three gallons of milk, two tons of hay, a number of chickens and a cook stove.

Fresh B.C. Atlantic fillets.

Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation.

He is the President of the Southwestern Irritated Cotton Growers.

He remarked in all seriousness that it was hereditary in his family to have no children.

He returned to his duties Monday after several weeks absence due to his death.

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors.

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It Could Last Awhile.

If the baby does not thrive on fresh milk, it should be boiled.

If you use lemon juice, squeeze it from fresh oranges.

In the kitchen, she put on water for a few sandwiches.

Iraqi head seeks arms.

Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?

John Redekop was arrested Saturday by Calgary Police on a charge of drinking while intoxicated.

Just before the court sentence, Mr. Williams was asked if he had anything to say. In a calm voice, and without the least sign of emotion, he said nothing.

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant.

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks.

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in Ten Years.

Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice.

Legislators tax brains to cut deficit.

Lettuce won’t turn brown if you put your head in a plastic bag before placing it in the refrigerator.

Local high school drop-outs cut in half.

Man found dead in cemetery.

Man minus ear waives hearing.

Man struck by lightning faces battery charges.

Milk cow now sold in public eating places must be in the original containers.

Miners Refuse to Work After Death.

Miss Charlene Patinson, who was injured by a fall from a horse last week, is in St. Joseph’s Hospital and is covered sufficiently to have her friends come to see her.

Miss Penneway is in hospital this morning, after having been bitten by a spider in a bathing suit.

Mr. and Mrs. Ron Kroeker have returned from a week’s fighting trip in Wisconsin.

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group.

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over.

Pastor aghast at first lady sex position.

Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers.

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope.

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges.

Served with a writ yesterday afternoon, Mr. Thompson must produce children in court within 24 hours.

Several hours passed before the plane was missed, although it had cracked up barely two minutes before takeoff.

Ski areas closed due to snow.

Small boat for sale by widow – with a wide bottom.

Someone raised the question of adherence to civil air regulations which limit the flight time of pilots and crows to eight hours a day.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says.

Squad helps dog bite victim.

Stud tires out.

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids.

The bride-elect was showered with pieces of her chosen china.

The Chief is inclined to believe that a crossed wife might be the cause of the fire.

The foursome took in a number of shows and enjoyed the gal life of the city.

The managers of the two Brunswick toy factories will put on night shirts next week.

Typhoon rips through cemetery; hundreds dead.

Using this new paste, women with copper bottoms will no longer have any trouble keeping them shining like new.

The calls started at noon Saturday night.

The game began promptly 45 minutes late.

The union is seeking a 10% wage increase, plus improved benefits and double time for any day in which the workers work.

Then the officers closed in. Johnson was wounded in one hip. A stray bullet killed one bystander slightly.

Utah girl does well in dog shows.

Wanted: Human cannonball – must be able to travel.

Wanted: Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

War Dims Hope for Peace.

We wish to thank our many friends and neighbors, for their kind assistance in the recent destruction of our home by fire.

Weather Forecast: Colder tonight, heavy frost if clear. Saturday fair, probably followed by Sunday.

When the baby is done drinking, it should be unscrewed and laid in a cool place under a tap.

Woman improving after fatal crash Women’s Movement Called More Broad-Based.

Grandmother of eight makes hole in one

Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing

Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers

House passes gas tax onto senate

Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan

Two convicts evade noose, jury hung

William Kelly was fed secretary

Milk drinkers are turning to powder

Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted

Quarter of a million Chinese live on water

Farmer bill dies in house

Eye drops off shelf

Squad helps dog bite victim

Dealers will hear car talk at noon

Enraged cow injures farmer with ax

Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests

Miners refuse to work after death

Two Soviet ships collide – one dies

Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter

Never withhold herpes from loved one

Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy

Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984

Autos killing 110 a day, let’s resolve to do better

If strike isn’t settled quickly it may last a while

War dims hope for peace

Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency

Cold wave linked to temperatures

Child’s death ruins couple’s holiday

Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn’t seen in years

Man is fatally slain

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say

Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation

(suggestive bloopers)

Queen Mary having bottom scraped

Prostitutes appeal to Pope

Panda mating fails – veterinarian takes over

NJ judge to rule on nude beach

Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s