Things a Redneck Will NEVER Say:

  • I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
  • Duct tape won’t fix that.
  • Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
  • Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.
  • We don’t keep firearms in this house.
  • Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
  • You can’t feed that to the dog.
  • I thought Graceland was tacky.
  • No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
  • Wrestling’s fake.
  • Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
  • We’re vegetarians.
  • Do you think my gut is too big?
  • I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
  • Honey, we don’t need another dog.
  • Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?
  • Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
  • Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
  • Spittin’ is such a nasty habit.
  • I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
  • Checkmate.
  • She’s too young to be wearing a bikini.
  • Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
  • Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.
  • I don’t have a favorite college team.
  • Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
  • You ALL.
  • Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
  • Nope, no more for me. I’m drivin’ tonight.
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