Things You Can Do To Be Safe From Terrorist

The US government has a website, http://www.ready.gov. It’s another attempt at scare mongering in the style of the old “duck and cover” advice after WWII.

The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few interpretations below. Enjoy!

Note: This parody site was built for fun. For the serious stuff, see our friends protecting our great country at http://www.ready.gov or the Department of Homeland Security at http://www.dhs.gov

expl_vis_shout.gif

If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.

expl_vis_dont_run.gif

If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.

expl_vis_cover_nose.gif

Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with scary eyes, run away now.

vis_chem_area.gif

People, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol are all at risk of being sucked into the time-tunnel vortex.

vis_chem_affected.gif

Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.

expl_vis_closed_door.gif

If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

expl_vis_table.gif

If your building collapses, climb under your table and practice yoga postures.

vis_rad_time.gif

If you get radiation in the groin area, don’t worry, it affects it the least there.

nuc_vis_building.gif

After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

vis_high_windows.gif

If you’ve become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that.

vis_high_stay.gif

If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.

bio_vis_resp.gif

Your respiratory and digestive systems are optional. Cast them aside if you feel you no longer need them.

expl_vis_table1.gif

If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.

expl_vis_drop_roll.gif

Survive a biohazard attack by first standing, then begging on your knees, then rolling over and playing dead.

vis_car_wire.gif

Do not drive a station wagon if a utility pole is protruding from the hood.

vis_rad_shield.gif

A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.

expl_vis_burning_bldg2.gif

No pyromaniacs admitted.

expl_vis_family2.gif

A quick family snapshot in front of the latest scene of a terrorist attack may became a treasured family keepsake that will preserve precious memories for years to come.

expl_vis_hot_door2.gif

That closet door in your bedroom leads to the gates of Hell. Don’t go there.

vis_high_fall2.gif

The middle of a terrorist attack is not an appropriate time to catch up on your reading or paperwork.

vis_chem_choke2.gif

If you see colors in the sky, grasp your throat and pretend to choke yourself. Girls go for that.

vis_car_road2.gif

If your intended destination is suddenly vaporized, consider pulling over and watching the cool light show.

expl_vis_smoke2.gif

If the weather is overcast with dark skies, look for worms in the grass.

bio_vis_clocks2.gif

After all life is gone, modern appliances will continue to run forever. Think about it.

bio_vis_emergency2.gif

Your telephone may be a practicing physician. Look for a phone with no numbers on it.

bio_vis_wash.gif

“Wash your hands” of traditional long distance telephone providers.

nuc_vis_shelter3.gif

Only the coolest irradiated citizens will be allowed into the ‘underground’ rave in the shelter.

vis_car_brake2.gif

In case of emergency, the parking brake may be used as an adult novelty item.

vis_chem_fish2.gif

In time of war, real Americans eat red meat only! No wimpy fish or poultry, please.

vis_chem_lab2.gif

There is a reason you failed chemistry.

vis_chem_medic2.gif

Watch out for people who come out of white tents and try to steal the shirt off your back.

expl_vis_tap.gif

If you are trapped with no hope of being found, amuse yourself in your final moments with shadow puppets.

vis_rad_bomb3.gif

Radioactive materials come in 4 convenient sizes:
– individual dose
– family value size
– neighborhood spray pump size
– supersize!

vis_rad_local3.gif

Satellite photos of Texas show the large embarrassing radioactive crop circle in Southeast Texas.

vis_rad_news2.gif

When the looting begins remember to consider the weight/value ratio. Here we have a few examples of high value, low effort.

expl_vis_open_door.gif

If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.

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