Heard Around the Office

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

Don’t be irreplaceable; if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

If at first you don’t succeed, don’t try again: quit. No use being a complete fool about it.

If you can’t get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.

It doesn’t matter what you do; it only matters what you say you’ve done and what you’re going to do.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.

When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

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