Half-Dead

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At first glance this man looks undead, but he is in fact Half-dead

At first glance this man looks undead, but he is in fact Half-dead

Half-dead is the state of being half way between alive and dead. Optimists sometimes call it half alive, but they should be politely reminded to stick to their glasses. People who are half-dead are generally neither alive nor dead, and as such, fall into the classification of either inanimate objects or cats. This classification continues until they either become fully alive, fullydead or until they just plain bugger off. One popular way to become half-dead is to overdose on alcohol and insult someone’s mother. She will probably slap you upside the head – this usually results in a comatose state that is in fact the state of being half-dead.

 

Common example of a half dead being descriminated against

 

Common example of a half dead being descriminated against

The half-dead and human rights

The hordes of half-dead are commonly discriminated against, as inanimate objects have no rights. They would have been fighting for their rights, except they haven’t got the right, and they are inanimate objects so they can’t do anything anyway, unless, of course, they are robots… or worse…

 

Here are some inanimate objects, some could be half dead, but i just don't know

 

Here are some inanimate objects, some could be half dead, but I just don’t know

Telling the difference

It is very difficult to tell the difference between the half-dead and other inanimate objects the best way to tell the difference is to kill it, if it becomes dead it was half-dead, if it dosen’t it is just another rock or somthing. Unfortunately this is a very bad way to find out as you now have a dead thing and you can’t abuse it as dead things have rights.

Of course, there is also the issue of the mostly-dead. You see, there is, of course, a big difference between mostly dead, and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. Half-dead is more alive, but cannot move and shows no signs of breathing. “Half-dead” is therefore considered, mostly by assholes, to be more akin to cryogenic stasis than being mostly dead.

“Buggering off”

If a half-dead suddenly decides, for any reason, that it wishes bugger off – which is British slang for going the fuck away – it ceases to exist. Some argue that this means it would never have existed, but this means it would have had to have been erased from the timeline completely. This would require someone to get in their DeLorean and take it out of the past, so that idea is obviously wrong.

However, others argue that it just gets up and walks away, but we all know it cannot do that.

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