How to wash a toilet
1. Put both lids of the toilet up
2. And add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl
3. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him toward the toilet
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid…
You may need to stand on the lid
5. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this
6. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a ‘power-wash- and-rinse’
7. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door
8. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid
9. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off
10. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean…
Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking
Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. “Follow me son” the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. “First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing.” And they did. “Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing.” And they did. “Now we eat everybody.” And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked,”Dad, why didn’t we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?”
His wise father replied, “Because they taste better without the shit inside!”
Now you know why.
AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TOHOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU’LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE – WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN’T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN’T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN’T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU’VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
. . .TEXAS HAS IT ALL. . .
Feeling a little Down? Why not Visit:
Smiley, Texas 78159
Paradise, Texas 76073
Rainbow, Texas 76077
Sweet Home, Texas 77987
Comfort, Texas 78013
Friendship, Texas 76530
Love the Sun?
Sun City, Texas 78628
Sunrise, Texas 76661
Sunset, Texas 76270
Sundown, Texas 79372
Sunray, Texas 79086
Sunny Side, Texas 77423
Want something to eat?
Bacon, Texas 76301
Noodle, Texas 79536
Oatmeal, Texas 78605
Turkey, Texas 79261
Trout, Texas 75789
Sugar Land, Texas 77479
Salty, Texas 76567
Rice, Texas 75155
Pearland, Texas 77581
Orange, Texas 77630
And top it off with:
Sweetwater, Texas 79556
Why travel to other cities? Texas has them all!
Detroit, Texas 75436
Cleveland, Texas 75436
Colorado City, Texas 79512
Denver City, Texas 79323
Klondike, Texas 75448
Nevada, Texas 75173
Memphis, Texas 79245
Miami, Texas 79059
Boston, Texas 75570
Santa Fe, Texas 77517
Tennessee Colony, Texas 75861
Reno, Texas 75462
Pasadena, Texas 77506
Columbus , Texas 78934
Feel like traveling outside the country?
Athens, Texas 75751
Canadian, Texas 79014
China, Texas 77613
Egypt, Texas 77436
Ireland, Texas 76538
Italy, Texas 76538
Turkey, Texas 79261
London, Texas 76854
New London, Texas 75682
Paris, Texas 75460
Palestine, Texas 75801
No need to travel to Washington D.C.
Whitehouse, Texas 75791
We even have a city named after our planet!
Earth, Texas 79031
We have a city named after our state Texas City, Texas 77590
Energy, Texas 76452
Pep, Texas 79353
Blanket, Texas 76432
Like to read about History?
Santa Anna, Texas
Gun Barrel City, Texas
Robert Lee, Texas
Need Office Supplies?
Staples, Texas 78670
Want to go into outer space?
Venus, Texas 76084
Mars, Texas 79062
You guessed it.
It’s on the state line.
Texline, Texas 79087
For the kids…
Kermit, Texas 79745
Elmo, Texas 75118
Nemo, Texas 76070
Tarzan, Texas 79783
Winnie, Texas 77665
Sylvester, Texas 79560
Other city names in Texas, to make you smile…
Frognot, Texas 75424
Bigfoot, Texas 78005
Hogeye, Texas 75423
Cactus , Texas 79013
Notrees , Texas 79759
Best, Texas 76932
Veribest, Texas 76886
Kickapoo, Texas 75763
Dime Box, Texas 77853
Old Dime Box, Texas 77853
Telephone, Texas 75488
Telegraph, Texas 76883
Whiteface, Texas 79379
Twitty, Texas 79079
And last but not least, the Anti-Al Gore City
Kilgore, Texas 75662
And our favorites…
Cut n Shoot, Texas
Gun Barrell City, Texas
Hoop And Holler, Texas
Ding Dong, Texas and, of course,
Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Texas…
If someone in a Lowe’s store offers you assistance and they don’t work there, you may live in Texas;
If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas;
If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas;
If ‘Vacation’ means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Texas;
If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas;
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Texas;
If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Texas;
If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Texas;
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph – you’re going 80 and everybody’s passing you, you may live in Texas;
If you find 60 degrees ‘a little chilly, you may live in Texas;
If you actually understand these jokes, and share them with all your Texas friends, you definitely live in Texas.
Here are some little known, very interesting facts about Texas:
1. Beaumont to El Paso: 742 miles.
2. Beaumont to Chicago: 770 miles.
3. El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas.
4. World’s first rodeo was in Pecos , July 4, 1883.
5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water. Destroyed by Hurricane Ike in 2008!
6. The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first full-time coach at Rice University in Houston.
7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America.
8. Arkansas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America’s only remaining flock of whooping cranes.
9. Jalapeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.
10. The worst natural disaster in U.S. history was in 1900, caused by a hurricane, in which over 8,000 lives were lost on Galveston Island.
11. The first word spoken from the moon, July 20,1969, was ” Houston,” but the space center was actually in Clear Lake City at the time.
12. King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island.
13. Tropical Storm Claudette brought a U.S. rainfall record of 43″ in 24 hours in and around Alvin in July of 1979.
14. Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by TREATY, (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union ) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas Flag to fly at the same height as the U.S. Flag, and may divide into 5 states.
15. A Live Oak tree near Fulton, Texas is estimated to be 1500 years old.
16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.
17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. There is no period in Dr Pepper….
18. Texas has had six capital cities: Washington -on- the Brazos, Harrisburg, Galveston, Velasco, West Columbia and Austin ….
19. The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the U.S. which is taller than the Capitol Building in Washington DC (by 7 feet).
20. The San Jacinto Monument is the tallest free standing monument in the world and it is taller than the Washington monument.
21. The name ‘Texas’ comes from the Hasini Indian word ‘tejas’ meaning friends. Tejas is not Spanish for Texas.
22. The State Mascot is the Armadillo (an interesting bit of trivia about the armadillo is they always have four babies. They have one egg, which splits into four, and they either have four males or four females).
23. The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston.
Cowboy’s Ten Commandments posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie, Texas:
(1) Just one God
(2) Put nothin’ before God
(3) Watch yer mouth
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting
(5) Honor yer Ma & Pa
(6) No killin’
(7) No foolin’ around with another fellow’s gal
(8) Don’t take what ain’t yers
(9) No telling tales or gossipin’.
(10) Don’t be hankerin’ for yer buddy’s stuff
Y’all git all that?