What YOU Can Do to Save Gas…

George Carlin’s grand solution to save gasoline:
Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use…
The best way to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down…

Garfield on the oil crisis

A lot of folks can’t understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country.
~~~
Well, there’s a very simple answer.
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Nobody bothered to check the oil.
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We just didn’t know we were getting low.
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The reason for that is purely geographical.
~~~

One Liner Stories Says it All

Compulsively Compulsed
I manifested OCD by playing the same three notes over and over for a straight hour, six days a week, for months on end… but no one understood.
Mundane
I realized how mundane my job was when I received an email from my brother in Iraq stating, “A mortar hit two trailers down, but thank God [...]

1977 or 2007?

This is for those whose level of maturity qualifies
them to relate to it…
1977: Long hair
2007: Longing for hair
1977: KEG
2007: EKG

1977: Acid rock
2007 : Acid reflux

More Fantastic Signs

Fantastic Signs

CHINESE PROVERBS

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Aim…

Irishman and a Texan

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a drinkin’
bunch. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.”
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. [...]

10 Things You Never Want to Hear Your Girlfriend Say

1. Any conversation that starts with, “Remember that time about a month ago?”
2. “I think I’m going to keep it.”
3. “Your friend has a big dick.”
4. “I wonder what a black guy would feel like.”
6. “I didn’t feel anything.”
7. “I was drunk and it didn’t mean anything.”
8. “I think you should get tested.”
9. “Were [...]