Pierced Eyeglasses

Pierced eyeglasses!

Pirate Laws

A pirate does not ask for directions. He relies only on his gut feeling, a compass, or a treasure map.

Parrots are the preferred pirate companion. Monkeys are an acceptable substitute, unless they fling their feces at people. Then they are an awesome substitute.

When fishing, a pirate uses either a sword, a knife, or his bare [...]

A Letter of Thanks

Dell Dude Now Tequila Dude at Tortilla Flats

Next time you’re at Tortilla Flats and you find yourself wondering aloud to your dinner companion, “What ever happened to the guy who did the ‘Dude, you’re getting a Dell’ commercials?” don’t be surprised when Ben Curtis, the man himself, approaches your table and explains the tequila list. While guest-starring on Law & Order and [...]

Appliance Warnings

Unknown Air Conditioner
Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.
Unknown Vacuum Cleaner
Do not use to pick up gasoline or flammable liquids 2. Do not use to pick up anything that is currently burning.
Unknown Japanese Food Processor
Not to be used for anything else.
Rowenta Iron
Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.
Unknown Blow Dryer
Warning: Do not use while [...]

Governmentium

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest element yet known to science.
The new element has been named Governmentium.  Governmentium (Gv) has one
neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy
neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces [...]

Creativity Quotes at Work

hose who have changed the universe have never done it by changing officials, but always by inspiring the people.
Imagination rules the world.
— Napoleon
Beginnings
It all begins when the soul would have its way with you.
—Emerson
Begin at the beginning… and go on till you come to the end: then stop.
— Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll 1832-1898
You must [...]

Best of Jerry Seinfield

Here are some of Jerry Seinfeld’s funny comedy stand ups:
I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can’t smell it. Can’t eat it. Can’t taste it.
The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, “Well, here it is. You can’t have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.”
Whenever you ask for [...]